A Little Perspective

Two weeks ago, I jokingly told Anton that "God had to send me all the way to Kyrgyzstan to get me to a place where I would believe that I still needed Him."  This last week, I was alone in a cabin outside of town on the steppe and I realized I was right, but my attitude was all wrong.

God puts us in hard places sometimes, but is in all things calling us closer to Himself.  He has set before us not the difficult path of self-destruction, but the path of greatest joy, because there is no greater joy than walking in faith and living the adventure that God has planned for you. 

I'm a "Winter Christian."  I wrestle and cuss God out. (Conflict is healthy.)  I complain a lot.  I want things.  Life is hard.   Sometimes you might think "James is so miserable, why is he even there?"  Well, the answer is simple.  There's nowhere else I'd rather be than where God wants me.  Sometimes, that's not where I want to be and I whine and complain and fight it.  But this is where I want to be.  I hope you realize that in my murmurings.

Sometimes you might think "James is so spiritual, he suffers so much and does without so many things."  That's also just completely wrong.  Dr. Livingstone, that famed missionary and explorer of Africa who lived in perpetual physical pain for most of the latter portion of his life, put it this way "I've never made a sacrifice."  And while sometimes I *sigh* over how I could have everything I want if I just had a little more money, a little more time, if I was somewhere else (sound familiar?)...none of the things like eating rice and not eating out and not going on sight-seeing trips really bother me.  I have more peace sleeping on the floor, wearing used clothes, taking the local transportation, and inconveniences like random internet, water, or electrical outages are just that, minor inconveniences.  But I have always gained more than I've lost:  in knowledge, in experience, in character, in friends, in fellowship with God.

I miss my friends and family.  It hurts sometimes, not knowing if they understand how much I love them.   I suppose I should say it more.  "I am everywhere all at once all the time."

I'm sick.  I'm broken.  I'm lame.  No seriously, I'm really lame.  God is teaching me how to walk.  My Papa is teaching me how to sing, how to love, how to understand, how to respect others who are different or less or more ________.  It terrifies me sometimes.  Crawling is easier than walking, it seems I might fall and hurt myself.  "Some days I feel shit.  I want to quit and just be normal for a bit."  But you know, this is normal.  I am chasing all the joy I've ever known.  "And as he takes me by the hand, with Him I'll go."   

"Those who are directed to do hard jobs for God must remind themselves that these rigors are simply for their health...as these difficulties help them to be more like Christ...people who regard themselves as invalids rather than heroes will make excellent missionaries."  --Daniel Fuller

"This is the happy life:  to rejoice to Thee, of Thee, for Thee; this is it and there is no other." --St. Augustine






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