NorCal: Family and Fear

Met this fine gentleman with the parents up near Lake Tahoe

My first two days in NorCal I shared at Sierra Grace's Youth Groups.  The five-minute time slot had some interesting side effects that made me sad.  Before, I had always shared my testimony of how terrified I am sometimes following God before giving my encouraging words on calling, but this time I went right to it.   And two of my friends afterwards came to me and said "well James, I appreciate the sentiment, but you don't understand, I really can't _______ (sing or preach)."  The biggest irony was that both of these people had others in their lives investing in them and encouraging them to use their gifts these areas, who believed that they could do these things.  And as I tried to share in my speech, I've been in churches where everyone is capable of preaching, and where everyone is capable of four-part harmonies.  But these two at least didn't believe me (I think .   And it makes me sad.  Sure, we all have gifts, and yes, they are all different, and no, not all of us are going to speak in front of stadiums.  But I think we can all lead small groups, and that's probably part of becoming a mature follower of Jesus.  I mean, a family is a small group, no?  

This San Franciscan was Unafraid to be himself

We have so many fears.  Fears of being known or not known, exposed or misunderstood, rejected or ignored, alone or judged.  My sister recently shared her testimony recently about how she didn't sing for six years because one person had said one negative thing to her once.  Now she leads worship in multiple languages in front of her university and even helps at festivals.   But the gift was always there, nothing has changed except that she's gotten practice.  When she started to play guitar, her shame was so great she wouldn't play in front of the girl who was teaching her!   I remember another conversation with an amazing singer...I asked her what her gifting was and she said "singing" but didn't think that that could ever mean singing in front of people.  And I was like, "you know it's not really a gift if you don't use it."  

Walking with the Sisters

Anyways, back to NorCal, I was well-received and had tons of fun playing soccer and other games at youth group.  It was so encouraging to see my brother involved and the way he and his wife care for their youth group and lead from beside.  Even if we were the last two on musical chairs and he won.  :D

Justin and His Wife Bridget at the Wedding

I had a bunch of challenging conversations in NorCal.  My friend Rebecca, who spent time at my church in Kyrg, challenged me about my pride and warned me against being a "rebel element" there.  And she was mostly right.  My church has some systematic leadership issues, (it is, after all, run by people) but I should either leave or submit to the authorities that are there.  And either way, I should honor them.  Other leaders challenged me to marry, to rest, to think about a team.   Perhaps one of the most encouraging things about my conversations with my old pastors in the US on this trip, was that most of the advice was stuff I already know, although some things, like Sabbath, healthy relationships, and community are still things I need to work out how to live.  Another one of my old youth leaders challenged me to think in terms of ministering to whole families rather than separating youth group from adults.  I feel torn on this, because I know that many of the parents of the people are work with are not even around in their lives, and many of them are beyond reach.  Also, I know that young people hide a lot from their parents, and vice versa.  *shrug*

Santa Cruz with the Fam!

But all in all, NorCal was pretty awesome.  Got to do a gourmet cooking class with my old friend Jas, wandered San Fran with one of my old SoCal friends, and got to do FAMILY PAINTBALL!!!   Got some time with the parents also going up into the mountains. 

I never imagined myself learning to make Macaroons with a fancy French cook.  Thanks Jas!

Also got to meet up with quite a few friends, mentors, and young people--did a little life coaching, some encouraging, and got pretty encouraged, especially by the Sunday School group and the Miller family, who beat me at Catan but graciously allowed me to present what I've been doing to them.  Didn't expect my connections in NorCal to be as solid as they were, but I was really well-received and God is working!

Family Paintball:  Dad killed me because I had mercy on him.

So what are your fears?  Life, like paintball, can hurt sometimes.  Quite frankly, life is terrifying some days.  But faith is the opposite of fear.  Faith means facing our fears and inadequacies and going forward anyway.  Faith means trying new things, trusting, and being vulnerable.  It means becoming things we didn't think we were capable of becoming for the sake of the Kingdom.  It means loving and forgiving those we thought it should be impossible to love.  How about your life?  How do you make your decisions?  Do you live by faith?  Or by fear?  Do your inhibitions and insecurities keep you from trying new things or becoming the person God is calling you to be?   Don't let them!  :)   It's better to suck it up at something worthwhile than to be the best at something that doesn't matter.  And even those things that don't matter can be used for good, if you're strategic about it.