Judgement, Songwriting, and Another Conference

  

You ever get the feeling you're out of your depth? 

Well these two guys are the best known youth pastors from the biggest churches in the Russian-speaking world.  And they were kinda the other invited guests at this last conference I was at.

Not that my role was a huge one.  Due to legal worries, I sang two songs, and on the last day I was able to lead a "Songwriting Workshop/Discussion" that lead to a bunch of people writing their first songs ever, and a lot of people being more encouraged to write songs.  We had a few ideas to take things beyond the conference, like creating a FB group to promote local songwriters, musicians, and church music.  That's kinda going but kinda stalled.  But everyone who came was inspired; they were thinking.  One girl nearly cried, so I asked her about it later.  She said "you know, none of our teachers ever told us that we could do things or encouraged us like you just did."  And I told them all "you can write songs.   You just did write one."

Kassia writes music, I'll probably record her sometime this year

 It was kinda interesting too, because I felt very out of sync with the conference.  I was forgotten without a ride home once or twice.  The first night, a worship night, I just sat and wrote songs and journaled.  Over the course of the three day conference, three things that I really need to deal with came out and I was able to begin praying through them and really sort through a lot of my emotions and the biggest things about my long long trip. 

Peeps

 One of the things I realized is that sometimes I judge people because they've hurt me and I don't want to deal with them anymore.  It's safer that way.  But I carry the hurt and mistrust.  I have issues with authority because of this.  I expect someone who I submit to to champion me, to seek my best, and that doesn't always happen.  Of course, the solution is to admit the hurt, pray and seek healing, and then seek forgiveness/understanding.  After that, of course, it doesn't mean you have to work with the same people again or that things are the same.  But you can move forward at least. 

I played my song "I Will Follow You" In Russian (the language I wrote it in)

I also realized that God has given me a lot of gifts.  I don't understand why God has given me these connections; I don't feel like I'm on par with these pastors of big youth ministries.  I don't think I'd want their jobs honestly.  (Although I love teaching and leading, the political side of leading in a big church doesn't excite me.)  Maybe they're supposed to come touch people here in Kyr?   My friend and I are scheming. 

These guys were really awesome dudes.

It's cool how God works out all the details too.  I made so many awesome connections.  This guy Askar, for example...turns out he was on my flight from Kiev!   So we got to talk for a couple hours before I even arrived.   The guy co-ordinating the whole thing arrived at the airport two hours after us!  Askar's group was one that I knew everyone from because they had come to a conference where I live last year.  :)  So I was surrounded by friends in a safe place for an awesome conference that allowed me to start processing the long journey.  And I got to be used also.  Thanks be to God.