Angie told me, as she picked me up to hug me good-bye, not to look back. I'm trying. There's always a part of you that wants to say "I'll be right back" and dream the what-ifs/maybe-somedays of this girl I met or that ministry. But it's over. I had to fight back resentment against God, feeling like my six months in Mexico were a black hole of emotions and memories that don't connect to my life past or future. It's probable that my daily life will involve three languages in the future, with none of them being my now very conversational Spanish. But as I think of all the lovely people I met in México, I realize that God did give me so much during my time there, and that each moment and friendship was a gift from Him, and that most of the people I met gave much more than they received. I'm once again staggered by the number of people I touched through the many things I did: teaching, leading worship for the medical teams and the young adult group, preaching, leading devotions, dental assisting, outreaching, clowning, leading youth group at the ranch...the list goes on.
After my farewell dinner, two of the younger kids were crying, and as I went to put my arms around them, I realized that "Life is Beautiful," a song by Michelle Tumes, was playing. And I was reminded on that truth, that all of this was a gift. And as they continued crying, the song changed to "You Won't Relent" by Misty Edwards. And I was devastated, angry, because God had me right between the eyes on that one, and I felt like I was losing everything and well, at least God should have the decency not to remind me that He's after my everything while I'm in mourning. So I left the room, but when I came back another song (these were all on random) was playing, written from God's perspective: "Though you're tired and homeless, I will be your home. Though you are weary, I will bring you home." (Michael Card)
How long, God? Are we there yet? When? Where you lead me, I will follow.
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